Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
