another moral hangover. fuck.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
