i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
