I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Two words: blizzard sex
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
