guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
there was a trapeze. enough said
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
