pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
