Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
