I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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