Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
