I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
honey bunches of taint.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
