I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
