just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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