I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
