its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
