it wasn't lemon gatorade
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
