Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
