I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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