Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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