He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
