plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
