Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Let the clothes fall where they may.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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