This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
