I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
