i just wanna soil my oats bro
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
