I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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