explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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