They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
