you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
