my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
