Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
