It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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