Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
