You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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