Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
