a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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