so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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