Nicole vs. Life
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
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