so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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