do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
