i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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