Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
