Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
