I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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