I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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