so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
