You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
