every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
