Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
