you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
