I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
