I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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